Watch Closely!

I’m currently halfway through my Holidays, the general feeling is jadedness; not really sian-ness though. I’ve been heading out with my clique alot these few weeks, “celebrating” our singlehood (in our own funny way). Just been feeling bound as if I couldn’t do anything productive in this month or so.

Not that I’m an attention getter, but I guess I lack stuff to feed my ego recently (as awful as it sounds); just feeling like I’m the least priority in anybodies’ mind now, which leads to thoughts that make me self-conscious whether I’m that detestable as a person.

Well the truth is I don’t really know, nobody tells me anything now, kinda sucks everyone wants to be so politically correct now; or too frank. Kinda hard to read between the lines.

I guess I’m just not content on being Carter anymore. I just hate myself for being so “useless” sometimes, but I really its true when they say you find God when you come to the end of yourself. Self-frustration is so frustrating cause you can’t simply leave the room this person is in.

Coming to the end of ability, my talent, my dreams. What does the rest of the world know me for? Sometimes I get mixed feelings of joy and sadness when people come to me for certain things.

How to fix my PSP/Software/Game? – Look for Carter.
Help me with my Guitar? – Carter.
TV Shows? Anime? Latest Movies?
…And the list goes on.

I’m happy that they know I’m talented/knowledgeable in these things, but it saddens me it rarely goes beyond these things.

Am I that shallow? Or it is just I portray myself this way? Is it that hard to peer into my soul?

Stop being shallow friends. I’ve have enough of them already.

And you wonder why I stop trying expressing myself to you anymore.

As a side note, I’ve been enjoying the only Elton John album I own;just love how the lyrics mean so much and are easy to sing along to.

This Train Don’t Stop There Anymore

I used to be the main express
All steam and whistles heading west
Picking up my pain from door to door
Riding on the storyline
Furnace burning overtime
But this train don’t stop,
This train don’t stop,
This train don’t stop there anymore.